8 Life-Changing Lessons from The Courage to be Disliked

Do you find yourself catering to everyone else’s needs but your own? Do you feel like you’re being dishonest to yourself? Or are you constantly trying to change yourself to better suit others? 

If so, reading The Courage To Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga will change your life and liberate you to your core.

The wisdom in this book will teach you to free your fake ego, accept yourself the way you are, and achieve real happiness living a fulfilled life. A life that doesn’t center around what others think, their ‘likes’ and approval.

Read on for the best life lessons from The Courage To Be Disliked.

You CAN change your life – IF you want to

If you believe that the past determined your present – and therefore your future – then you’ve already decided on your future. This is called determinism and is why we find it so hard to change our pattern of behavior. 

A better way to see it is; the meaning you give to your past is what can influence your present-day choices, and therefore your future. But just because it can don’t mean it has to.

Often, you’re unable to change your thinking and behavioral patterns because you’ve already decided not to. Your choices are predictable, so, therefore, you feel safe. Changing your lifestyle and reaching for your dreams opens you up to failure, rejection, and criticism. But if you don’t give it a try, you’ll always end up wondering what could’ve been.

Have the courage to change and your dreams will be one step closer.

Realize that you fabricate your emotions

Often, we use strong emotions as a sword or a shield, trying to either defend ourselves or fighting for an end result.

When you’re angry and you shout at someone, you’re trying to have your way by making them feel inferior. When you complain about blushing when talking to your crush, you use this as an excuse not to talk to them.

We fabricate emotions to reach our true goals, whether that’s to give us an excuse not to do something, or to fight for an end result. Realize this the next time you feel intense emotions. Get to the root cause of your feelings and realize that you can in fact control your emotions.

Stop using trauma as an excuse

Our past experiences – including traumas – affect us not by the events themselves, but by the meanings, we attach to them.

Traumas are usually something devastating, but that doesn’t mean we can’t work through them. Instead of letting your traumas rule and dictate your actions, find a safe way to process them so you can live the life you want.

Don’t hide behind them forever.

You’re not actually inferior

Feeling inferior and letting that feeling dictate and determine your actions is an issue that many people face.

But it doesn’t mean that you actually are inferior. Inferiority – just as superiority – is subjective, and not fact. The good thing is that we can alter subjective interpretations.

Don’t use your inferiority complex to give up on things, rationalize self-pity, and resolve to be helpless. Don’t use it as an excuse not to do things; “I don’t have a college degree, so I can’t succeed.” Instead, try changing your perspective and start seeing yourself as a smart, capable individual.

Never compare yourself to others 

The comparison paradigm is when you compare yourself to others, and it’s a sure-fire way to lose motivation quickly.

Life isn’t a competition, and if you see it as such, you’ll take other people’s successes as your defeat, and vice versa. Try not to spend so much time on social media and instead of wishing your life was different start appreciating everything you have.

In order to build up a healthy competition, instead, you can compare yourself with how you want to be, or how you were this time a year ago.

Don’t live to satisfy others

We often get caught up in trying to live up to other people’s expectations of us, and in that, we deny ourselves what we really want in life. You discard yourself in the process of trying to satisfy other people’s expectations.

Get rid of the need to please others and try staying true to yourself – see how your life changes.

Being disliked by other people is the cost of living your life in complete freedom, according to your own principles. It is a sign that you have followed your dreams despite pressure from others.

Always remember that what other people think of you is none of your business.

Focus on your own tasks

Sometimes you will fill up your to-do list with other people’s tasks, concerns, and dreams. Before helping others, you have to help yourself, otherwise, you will end up resenting the very people you’re trying to help.

It’s also vital to distinguish which tasks are actually yours, and not intrude on other people’s learning. For example, as a parent, taking an interest in your child’s education is important – interfering with it, however, is detrimental.

Focus on what you are doing and don’t offer unwanted advice in an attempt to make yourself feel better.

Put yourself on the same level as others

Never put yourself above or below anyone. This includes when you condemn someone or when you praise them excessively.

Instead of building hierarchical relationships, build horizontal ones that put you both on the same level as each other.

Instead of gushing to someone about how amazing they are, express your gratitude to them by saying thank you. If someone hasn’t done an adequate enough job, let them know your expectations without passing judgment.


If you constantly feel like you’re living to please others, your life will never be your own. Stay true to who you really are and work on anything that is still affecting you that you feel is stopping you from achieving your full potential. 

If you have the courage to be disliked by others for being who you are, you can be sure that you will live a fulfilling life on your own terms. Not living for other people, but living life well and truly for yourself!

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